Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Bush Administration's Human Resources department

A nickel's worth of free advice to the Bush Administration's Human Resources department

1) One sure-fire way to pick things up around the office during a tough couple of years -- especially when it starts looking more and more like you're going to have to update your resumes soon -- is to start doing Casual Fridays. I think seeing Dick Cheney swishing around the Old Executive Office Building in a Sergio Tacchini tracksuit, gold chains dangling, would really lift spirits during the hard times. Can anyone argue with that?

Also, they need to put up some of those posters that have the kitten dangling from the branch, with the caption "Hang in there!"

2) Stop hiring emotionally unstable, vicously partisan, lily-livered, treasonous, objectively pro-Saddam, pro-terrorism Francophiles for high-level Administration positions. You know, guys like General Eric Shinseki, Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill, UN Weapons Inspector Scott Ritter, Director of the Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives John Diulio, counterterrorism advisor Rand Beers, Ambassador Joe Wilson, and now National Security Advisor Richard Clarke. These guys hate you! They'll say anything to sell a book -- they'll even say bad things about the War on Terruh! They are disgruntled employees!

So if you don't want people going on talk shows, publishing books tearing apart your White House, challenging your all-important talking points, messing up your image of glorious, effective, powerful leadership, then I say, stop hiring them. Problem solved!